{"id":426,"date":"2014-08-12T13:00:38","date_gmt":"2014-08-12T17:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/?p=426"},"modified":"2014-08-12T21:35:09","modified_gmt":"2014-08-13T01:35:09","slug":"the-long-awaited-naked-photographer-post-sort-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/2014\/08\/12\/the-long-awaited-naked-photographer-post-sort-of\/","title":{"rendered":"The Long Awaited Naked Photographer Post – sort of."},"content":{"rendered":"

Yep, that’s right boys and girls.\u00c2\u00a0 Step right up and take a seat for the palest show on earth.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s right, I’m in front of the lens again and this time, I left all those pesky clothes in the closet.\u00c2\u00a0 Now, before you cover your eyes and after your gaze, understand that all these photos are safe for that bastion of purity and safe haven from all things prurient; Facebook.\u00c2\u00a0 Nary a female nipple, nor hint of my southerly charms shall inflict your innocent eyes.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Fear not for I those posts are not ready.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Yet.<\/p>\n

Read on to see what happens late at night when a photographer is bored and his wife is out of town and the models have all gone home.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0Contented Photographer is Contented.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Ok,<\/a>

Ok, maybe content isn’t the right word. Comfortable. Yeah, that works. I’m comfortable.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, look! The cat’s doing something cute.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"He's<\/a>

He’s cute. But only when he wants to be. The rest of the time, he’s satan’s staff seargent on a scouting mission for a few gallons of prop wash.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ok, that’s not so cute, you farking furball!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"No,<\/a>

No, I did not need to see that before dinner. Eww.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Really?\u00c2\u00a0 You Really didn’t think that last joke was funny?\u00c2\u00a0 Well meh to you too. Meh! I say.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Meh.<\/a>

Meh. Meh upon your houses. And your little dog’s tutu, too!<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Get… off…. my…. lawn!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Wait,<\/a>

Wait, when did I get old and crotchety? Oh, yeah. 1985.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

You want me to do what?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Sell<\/a>

Sell my Nikon? Buy a Canon? I’m sorry, the words
sound like English but I just can’t understand you. Let’s try again.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Knock knock?\u00c2\u00a0 What, is this a joke?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Why<\/a>

Why sure, strangers at my door at six o’clock on a Saturday morning, I’d
love to hear all about your invisible friend! But you gotta be quiet. You
don’t want to wake my invisible friend. Shogoth sleeps a lot, but when he’s
awake, whoa, watch out. He’s a party animal!<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cavendish.\u00c2\u00a0 Crosscut, not flake.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"(with<\/a>

(with apologies to Ian Fleming)<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hmm. Beige, I think I”ll paint the seamless beige.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Well,<\/a>

Well, more a light latte color. That is, after all the color of the universe. http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Cosmic_latte<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Required flexed back shot.\u00c2\u00a0 It really is a requirement if you have a male, in front of the lens, with his shirt off.\u00c2\u00a0 You must, by law, take this shot.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Who’s law?\u00c2\u00a0 Fark if I know, but it’s a law.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"No,<\/a>

No, really, it’s on the books. Right under the section about naked women, police tape, guitars and train tracks.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0<\/code><\/code><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yep, that’s right boys and girls.\u00c2\u00a0 Step right up and take a seat for the palest show on earth.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s right, I’m in front of the lens again and this time, I left all those pesky clothes in the closet.\u00c2\u00a0 Now, before you cover your eyes and after your gaze, understand that all these photos […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":434,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[278,57,320,234],"tags":[327,545,326,325,322],"class_list":["post-426","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-278","category-scott-bragg","category-self-portraits","category-smyrna-studio","tag-expressions","tag-nude","tag-photographer","tag-pipe","tag-selfie","post_format-post-format-image","content-columns-1"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/20140807-DSC_9996.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4TCw3-6S","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/426","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=426"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/426\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/434"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=426"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=426"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dreamlandvisions.com\/photoblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=426"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}