Yep, that’s right boys and girls.  Step right up and take a seat for the palest show on earth.  That’s right, I’m in front of the lens again and this time, I left all those pesky clothes in the closet.  Now, before you cover your eyes and after your gaze, understand that all these photos are safe for that bastion of purity and safe haven from all things prurient; Facebook.  Nary a female nipple, nor hint of my southerly charms shall inflict your innocent eyes.   Fear not for I those posts are not ready.   Yet.

Read on to see what happens late at night when a photographer is bored and his wife is out of town and the models have all gone home.

 Contented Photographer is Contented.

Ok, maybe content isn’t the right word. Comfortable. Yeah, that works. I’m comfortable.

Oh, look! The cat’s doing something cute.

He’s cute. But only when he wants to be. The rest of the time, he’s satan’s staff seargent on a scouting mission for a few gallons of prop wash.

Ok, that’s not so cute, you farking furball!

No, I did not need to see that before dinner. Eww.

Really?  You Really didn’t think that last joke was funny?  Well meh to you too. Meh! I say.

Meh. Meh upon your houses. And your little dog’s tutu, too!

Get… off…. my…. lawn!

Wait, when did I get old and crotchety? Oh, yeah. 1985.

You want me to do what?

Sell my Nikon? Buy a Canon? I’m sorry, the words
sound like English but I just can’t understand you. Let’s try again.

Knock knock?  What, is this a joke?

Why sure, strangers at my door at six o’clock on a Saturday morning, I’d
love to hear all about your invisible friend! But you gotta be quiet. You
don’t want to wake my invisible friend. Shogoth sleeps a lot, but when he’s
awake, whoa, watch out. He’s a party animal!

Cavendish.  Crosscut, not flake.

(with apologies to Ian Fleming)

Hmm. Beige, I think I”ll paint the seamless beige.

Well, more a light latte color. That is, after all the color of the universe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmic_latte

Required flexed back shot.  It really is a requirement if you have a male, in front of the lens, with his shirt off.  You must, by law, take this shot.   Who’s law?  Fark if I know, but it’s a law.

No, really, it’s on the books. Right under the section about naked women, police tape, guitars and train tracks.